APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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