The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
