I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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