Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Congratulations! We have a period
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
