you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
