I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
