i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
