My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
