I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
