We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this boner is exhausting
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
