i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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