I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
