Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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