Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I need water and some morals
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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