some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
