I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
