Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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