I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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