My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
