You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
