Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You are the jesus of drinking
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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