The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
