you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
