bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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