home. puking in laundry basket.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
