Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
