Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
