I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
