can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm at about main and main street
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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