I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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