3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
