these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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