He had one of those small greek statue penises
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
