Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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