We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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