By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize