how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
