Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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