So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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