I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dignity is for republicans.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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