So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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