the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
