I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
