Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
