bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
