I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
