So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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