can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
