Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
