I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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