your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
