The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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