i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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