If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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