She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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