Sry I called you an 8
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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