So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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