Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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