K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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