i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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