made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
bring money and cleavage
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
