I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
