just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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