Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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