You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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