non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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