in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
