Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
