the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
