I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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