Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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