when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
