Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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