Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize