Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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