Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
