my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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