The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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