i permit you to call me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My vagina is very pro this idea
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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