my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
