I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
