you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
