AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
