i permit you to call me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
