just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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