I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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